welcome to the process.

this was taken at an angle with the natural light streaming in from the window, and then filters were added. several of them, with a little brightening and contrast. if only life were like that, able to fix and adjust at the easy push of a button.

patience and self-love haven’t been my friends lately. some days are easier. some days I bury myself in work, drowning in words and events and mile-runs at the gym just so I can “feel busy.” busy is good, right? busy is sexy. busy is instagram-worthy.

but hiding in the busy-ness, is NOT the business. the toughest moments always happen when I am alone and not busy, always looking for something to keep me occupied or someone to keep me company. I want no one to see this. afraid, unfiltered and restless isn’t pretty.

but in those moments of loneliness or restlessness, days where I feel overwhelmed with things to do or things I dream of doing, I am reminded that all of this is progress. that the first mile can’t be skipped or filtered, and it sure as heck isn’t meant to be sexy. stay the course. trust your progress. and welcome to the process.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability —
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually — let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

— Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J. (1881–1955)

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